my mother has only a few days left to live
maybe weeks
leaving half a lifetime behind
not enough
out celebrating life only a few months ago
unaware of what was to come
and now
she says
colourless in the hospital bed
bear in mind
I do not fathom
why I spent endless hours
my best years
my thoughts
and spirit
sunsets
and opportunities
snowy days
travels
and family gatherings
dictated by thoughts on my own physique
restrained and tormented
starving myself and self-loathing
one single tear
breakable
and skinny
her greatest remorse